sometimes i wonder… who reads my posts? do they care? or do they just read for the sake of reading? it’s a paradox though that i want to keep things private and yet i write posts about what i feel….
maybe because.. no one really reads it.. i don’t need “someone to talk to”. i just need “something to talk to”.. something inanimate who won’t talk back..an outlet…
just in case someone reads it.. i hope it speaks to him or her..
and i hope that people can learn and feel from my thoughts.. regardless if they know me or not..
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according to many, pain is mostly caused by words that are said…
these past few weeks, i’ve realized that pain can also be caused by SILENCE…
…. words left unsaid……
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it’s really painful when we treat each other as strangers..
the glances and gestures i never understand..
the anxiety of figuring out how he is doing..
the fact that i can’t live without him and he seems perfectly fine without me..
the fact that to me, he was everything.. and to him i’m just a girl who passed by..
there’s an emptiness inside that no one can ever fill..
there’s an ache in my heart i can’t explain and it’s just sad that i can’t do anything about it..
i can fight a battle lost… but not without my reason for fighting..
he was worth it but he’s gone…
i can’t cry… i can’t get angry..
i can’t hurt him..
i just have to imbibe all of it.. keep it and hope for an exigent “getting used to”..
it’s hard but i have to.
i have to throw away my selfishness and ingest a lot of understanding….
i just have to swerve down my way when i see him..
silenced by pain..
i, myself will never understand…
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