The Realization

now playing: Everything by Lifehouse

What caused the trouble?

It's a "who" actually.

Let's call him McDreamy.

He's the perfect guy.

He's insanely handsome, sweet, kind.. blah blah blah..

He was a catch.

After years of enjoying my single blessedness, friends have persuaded me to just go with it.

I didn't think about it. I didn't over-analyze it (which I normally do).

No logic at all. It was purely an aftermath of undeniable attraction and the unending persuasion of friends.

He wasn't the first McDreamy in my life. There were others but he came in the right time with all the right intentions. It came to a point that I was beginning to imagine what it would be like to be with him. I secretly wished that he was like Aleron. I saw us doing what Aleron and I normally did except that it was with McDreamy. Aleron was my model.. my standard.

This McDreamy was different from all the rest. Aleron have patiently dealt with my girly tantrums and frustrations regarding the others. But with this McDreamy.. Aleron disappeared.

I remember texting him one night that McDreamy was the one wearing the red shirt. Then Aleron was gone. No texts, no lunch, coffee and dinner together, no calls, no nothing...

I never asked him why. I assumed that he was busy.

He was gone for days, weeks, then months.

I missed him so much.

I forgot all about McDreamy. I was all Aleron this, Aleron that.

To cut the story short, I forgot about Mcdreamy.

Aleron came back and I was happy. I swore to myself that I'll never entertain a McDreamy again. :)

When he was gone, I've realized a lot of things.

He was always with me so I never really imagined life without him but when he was actually gone, I can't seem to breathe.

There was this void that one can ever fill except him.

All of the things I've never really cared about seemed to slap me in the face one by one.

• the late night calls that last till dawn
• lunch.. dinner.. coffee..
  
• the fact that he was always there
• the way he makes me laugh
• the jokes that only he and i understand
• the songs we love that most people aren't familiar with
• the fact that I can only sleep when I start to hear him snore
• the fact that I don't mind his not being sheepish at all. (farting and all. LOL) It's just so "Aleron" :)
  
• and many more..

Seriously.. there are a LOT.

He is imperfect. So am I.

I've embraced his imperfections long enough to accept who he really is.

I've accepted who he is long enough to realize that it was always him.

It has always been him.